I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need a burrito and a hug.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
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