That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
