shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
