Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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