i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did i walk over a car last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
