I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
