your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
