I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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