There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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