hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize