tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
