I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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