Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
