can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
