i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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