I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
