I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
