tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
