he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
