grandma shit on top of the toilet
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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