I hate all girls vehemently.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
