theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I love you. Go after that dick
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
