we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize