dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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