I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
