Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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