He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love having hate sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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