Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All I want is dick and wine.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
