Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
