he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
