Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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