Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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