I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
