Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
