im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
