no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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