Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
