we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
