So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
