all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
