i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
