Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
