Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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