I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
