This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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