Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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