honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
