ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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