oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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