i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
