I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
