Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
