I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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