yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
