matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
