I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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