thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
