I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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