You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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