Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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