1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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