i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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