Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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