its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Two words: nipple clamps
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