this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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