i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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