his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize